Ten Ways to Annoy the Twilight Characters
by Maddness02
Summary: How to annoy the one and only Twilight characters? You've spent days pondering the question, and now we have the answers! Ten suggestions to blow out each characters brains. Co-written with Werewolf Luver246
1. Edward Cullen

**Author's Note: **this is my first story. Well, technically it's not so much a story as it is a list. My friend Werewolf luver246 and I are teaming up and writing this story (list, whatever) together. I just wanted it on my profile because I have no stories. I also need her to teach me how to put the stories online. It **can** be confusing! That's all.

**DISCLAIMER:** Sadly, neither the twilight series nor any of its characters are mine. Nor are they Shelbey's (Werewolfluver246)

**Ten Ways to annoy Edward Cullen**

1.) Drive his Volvo into the nearest lake

2.) Pour any sort of slimy and stinky human food (I recommend anchovies) over his head while he isn't looking

3.) Tell him Bella has been having a secret affair with Mike and they want to invite him to their wedding next month

4.) Introduce him to THE SKUNK (A/N: must read Skunked! by Werewolfluver246)

5.) think perverted thoughts every time he comes into the same room as u

6.) Sing any of Barney's songs at the top of your lungs everytime you see him (get Alice to join in)

7.) give a bunch of random Fork's girls his address and tell them he's madly in love with them

8.) smash his piano into hundreds of itsy bitsy pieces. Make sure it's unfixable.

9.) tell him Jacob's turned gay and has a mad crush on him (this will also annoy Werewolf luver246)

10.) tell him that Bella is moving to Yuma, Arizona (A/N: I looked it up and this is officially the sunniest place in the world)

**A/N: **If u have suggestions for characters to do or what could annoy them please review. We would love to hear ur thoughts! (that sounds so teacher-y, but wat-ev) metaphorical cookies for all who review! :D


	2. Jacob Black

DISCLAIMER: sadly neither the twilight series nor any of its characters are mine

**DISCLAIMER:** sadly neither the twilight series nor any of its characters are mine. Nor are they Werewolf luver246's (I know, I was surprised too)

**Ten Ways to Annoy Jacob Black **(in no specific order)

1.) Paint pink butterflies on his motorcycle (permanent paint)

2.) Put him in the same room as Jonah (my lil' bro, you'd get it if u met him)

3.) Tell him that all the other wolves (and ex-wolves) had a big feast and didn't invite him

4.) Give him fleas (simple yet affective)

5.) Convince all of the other wolves to make Jacob feel like he's missing out on something BIG

6.) Tell everyone he's got rabies. Feed him whipped cream and get it all around his mouth. This will be your proof

7.) Buy him dog treats for his birthday

8.) Bring him to dog obedience classes

9.) Sign him up for anger management classes

10.) Talk to him like he's a cute little puppy (who's the cutie? Who's the cutie? Who is? –Get my idea…)

**A/N: **Review and maybe you'll get lucky and we'll write some more. Review! Please? This chapter took 4ever because all the things that annoy Jacob have already been done.


	3. Emmett Cullen

**DISCLAIMER:** I know you see this everywhere, but it's got to happen! Here we go… Twilight is not mine, blah blah blah, not Werewolf Luver246's, blah blah blah, characters are those of the oh-so great Stephenie Meyer. Now for what you've been waiting for…

**Ten Ways to Annoy Emmett Cullen** (in no specific order)

1.) Don't laugh at any of his jokes

2.) Get Jasper to give Rosalie major mood swings

3.) Beat him at arm wrestling

4.) Mimic him over and over in a very high-pitched voice

5.) While he is out hunting, send the rest of the Cullen's on vacation. When he comes back and wonders where the heck everyone is tell him they abandoned him. (Feel free to add that Rosalie has moved on.)

6.) Tickle him with a feather! (that's got to annoy everyone, right?)

7.) Tell him that Rosalie tells everyone he's obnoxious and immature.

8.) Tell everyone in Forks that Emmett is a child molester. No one will want to be near him again.

9.) Make him believe that bears are an endangered species. He won't be allowed to hunt them anymore.

10.) Start a rumor that Emmett is on steroids.

**A/N: I am sorry that it has taken so long, but Emmett is hard to annoy. Usually he's the one who's annoying everyone else. He's stolen all of our tricks! Now, we've started some ideas for the rest of the Twilight Characters, but I don't know when the next chapter will be up. We'll try to get another chapter up ASAP… but no promises… :)**

_**REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!!**_


	4. Rosalie Hale

**DISCLAIMER:** yeah, yeah, i know the drill. Nothing is mine.

**Ten Ways to Annoy Rosalie Hale**

1.) Fill her room with bouncy balls (she'll have to deal with the mess along with an over-excited Emmett)

2.) Have a party and invite a bunch of people. Get the guys to stare at every girl but her.

3.) Buy her a bunch of make-up and hint that she needs it.

4.) Take all of the mirrors out of her house.

5.) Throw away all of her stuff… And I mean everything!

6.) Get Edward to admit you're prettier than she is.

7.) Become best friends with one of her family members.

8.) Tell her you want to become a vampire.

9.) Get food in her hair.

10.) Inform her of the mirror glued to the bottom of the swimming pool.

Okay, I've finally gotten a new chapter up. I would really really appreciate it if everyone reviewed. I need to know what you guys think. If anyone has ideas or requests for the next chapter, please PM me. REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! Thank you to clemmy14 for #6 and #7!


	5. Alice Cullen

Sorry it took a while to get this chapter up. Enjoy!

**DISCLAIMER:** Do I really need to say it? These characters are not mine, I'm simply finding ways to annoy and/or irritate them.

**Ten Ways to Annoy Alice Cullen**

1.) Get a werewolf to stalk her so she can't *see* anything

2.) Decide to plan a party without her

3.) Make fun of/insult her outfits

4.) When she takes you shopping, show no interest in anything what-so-ever

5.) Give her sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt for _any_ holiday

6.) Find a way so that she can't go shopping for 48 hours

7.) Tell her Edward and Bella hired a wedding planner

8.) Kidnap Jasper (or at least try…)

9.) Get a family of werewolves to build a house right next to the Cullen's

10.) Take her shopping at Goodwill

Again, sorry about the wait. Next chapter we'll be annoying Jasper. Any ideas, feel free to PM me. Please! Please! Please! Review! Review! Review!


	6. Jasper Hale

**DISCLAIMER:** None of the characters that we annoy are ours. No matter how much we wish they were…

\

**Ten Ways to Annoy Jasper Hale** (in no specific order)

1.) Get everyone together to watch The Notebook

2.) Insult Alice

3.) Put him on a Roller Coaster

4.) Trick Alice into kissing Emmett in front of him

5.) Keep a pregnant person around him all day

6.) Remind Edward of how much a monster he is, so Jasper can deal with the emotions

7.) Tell him Maria says "hi"

8.) Tell him Alice is pregnant and watch the fun

9.) Tell him Alice prefers men who aren't emotionally distant

10.) Constantly remind him of how great human blood tastes

**BONUS SUGGESTION:  
**Take him to a Yankees game

Okay, so I completely failed at coming up with ideas for this chapter, but **Werewolfluver246** was on a roll! I would like to thank **.3** for helping us out and giving us the idea for #5. I would also like to thank **flavia x and heaven perez lol ()** for #4 on how to annoy Jasper Hale.  
Now we need your ideas and thoughts on who we should annoy next! We don't have a head start on anything right now, so if you want a certain character to be annoyed than please PM me. Your ideas and thoughts are always appreciated. :D

A big "Thank you" to everyone who has read and reviewed this fanfic!


	7. Bella Swan

**Disclaimer: **Do I really have to go over this every chapter? Fine. Nothing is mine. I simply like annoying people, but do not have the guts to do it myself. Therefor, I post these ideas.

**Ten Ways to Annoy Bella Swan**

1.) Send her love letters (make sure they say "Love, Jacob" at the bottom)

2.) If the Denalis come to visit tell her Tanya keeps flirting with Edward

3.) Get Jasper to make her feel embarrassed so that she blushes at inappropriate times (Emmett will take care of all the rest)

4.) Inform her Edward is thinking of leaving again

5.) Constantly talk about her wedding while she's in the room

6.) Tell her that her cooking sucks

7.) Tell her that " Wuthering Heights" is completely overrated

8.) Replace all of her shoes with high heels

9.) Tell Alice that Bella wants a completely new look

10.) Inform Alice of Bella's love for fashion shows

**Bonus suggestion from **_**Angel of Apathy**_**:  
**Tell Mike Newton Bella loves him but doesn't know how to tell him.  
Watch as hilarity ensues.

**A/N: **I am so sorry for taking a really long time to get this chapter up. I've been really busy lately, and have thought of absolutely no ideas. That's right: none. You have Werewolf Luver246 to thank for this entire chapter. She deserves a big round of applause, because unlike me she had a brain this week. (This cannot be used against me as black mail in the future).

I'm hoping the next chapter will be up soon, but there is never a guarantee. Next will probably be ways to annoy Charlie Swan.

**REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!**


	8. Charlie Swan

**DISCLAIMER:** Okay, let's get this over with. It pains me to admit this, but: Nothing is mine! Not the characters, or the English words I put on the page. I simply re-arrange the words to annoy the Twilight characters. Now do you want to spend your time reading this useless disclaimer and laughing at my pain or are you finally going to read this chapter?!?

**Ten Ways to Annoy Charlie Swan**

1.) Lock him in a room with Edward

2.) Tell him Bella's pregnant, then steal his gun so he can't shoot Edward.

3.) Send him to a father-daughter seminar that talks about the significance of communication.

4.) Prank call him as his boss and fire him

5.) Try guessing his age and be off by like 50 years

6.) Slash his cruiser's tires and spray paint "Edward was Here" on the windows

7.) Try to explain the supernatural world of vampires and werewolves to him (warning: this may annoy you too)

8.) Send him to cooking classes

9.) Make him sit through chick flick night

10.) Take all the birds out of his house (In the movie, his house is covered with birds)

**A/N: **This chapter was updated pretty soon if I do say so myself. You're very welcome!

I'm working on a story myself right now so keep an eye out for it. Try not to be harsh reviewing. Being that I am still new to writing stories for fanfiction. Werewolf Luver246 wanted to add something here so here it is: _"Hi!"_

Next chapter will be How to Annoy Carlisle Cullen.

**_REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!_**


	9. Carlisle Cullen

**DISCLAIMER: **Alright I'll make this one short and sweet. Nothing's mine and nothing is yours, so get over it! Okay, maybe that wasn't so sweet, but if definitely was short.

**Ten Ways to Annoy Carlisle Cullen**

1.) Constantly pronounce his name wrong

2.) Let Jasper loose in the operating room while surgery is taking place

3.) Inform all his female co-workers that him and Esme are thinking about divorce

4.) Tell him vegetarians are stupid

5.) Tell a very bloody person to run around with fake antlers and scream "Want to drink my blood now?!"

6.) Cause drama within his family so that arguing occurs

7.) Tell him he looks like a Ken doll (**A/N**: he totally does!)

8.) Invite him and his family over for dinner. Insist that they eat, and when they don't make a big deal about it until they do.

9.) Inform him that you overheard Emmett plotting different pranks to play on his brothers.

10.) Tell him to lie down because he looks pale

**A/N: **Oh, yeah. We rock! Two chapters in one day!!! Anyways, if you have any suggestions for any of the other characters please please please PM me.

**VERY IMPORTANT A/N:** There has been a bonus suggestions added to Jasper Hale's chapter. Please go read.

_**Review! Review! Review!**_


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